100% Pregnant

Yes, as of today, I am officially 100% pregnant. 40 weeks. 280 days.

If I were a filet, I'd be well done.

The bags have been packed for two months. The carseat bases are installed and the cars are clean. The house is clean. The laundry is caught up. The nursery is complete.

My wardrobe is now on a three day rotation as I have outgrown every stitch of maternity clothes besides three dresses and some very unflattering goucho pants (they may give me a bad case of CT, but they are comfy darnit -which is all I am going for at this point).

B wakes up in the morning asking how I feel. I think he wants me to say, "Miserable! I feel like crap! Today must be the day!" But, no, I feel fine. Just a bit more pregnant than I felt the day before.

I've tried every natural labor inducing trick in the book short of castor oil and black/blue cohosh. (For those of you unfamiliar with castor oil, it supposedly causes contractions along with severe diarrhea. Not my idea of a good time when I'm already in the bathroom peeing every twelve minutes. ) B and I have walked until I felt like my legs would unhinge from my pelvis...my mom made me the most delicious eggplant parmesan that supposedly induced labor within 48 hours...I ate an entire stack of fresh pineapple...B and I have performed ritualistic baby chants every night around What to Expect When You're Expecting before we go to bed. Just kidding, but if it worked I might consider it...

My voicemail is loaded with calls from friends and family wondering if the bambino has made his arrival. Don't be offended if I haven't returned your call. I'm conserving every precious minute for the phone calls we will make from the hospital. If you're really important, I'll call you back after 9pm.

So to answer your questions: no, I am not in labor; yes, he is due today; yes, B will call you as soon as "something" happens.

Until then, I'm well on my way to being 100.4% pregnant if the little goose isn't here by 11:59pm tonight.

Pray for us...