An Awful Long Account of My Trip to the Grocery Store. {I didn't miss a detail.}

Fantasy: One blissful hour, child-free, at the grocery story when husband does not call you to tell you to come home ASAP because the baby is crying.

Reality: My morning thus far...

Becks and I decided to hit up Kroger first thing this morning (7:45am) to miss all the holiday crazies out later in the day. And because we were in dire need of milk. Still clad in his jammies, I zipped him into his hoodie and hat and we were out the door. I even got a prime parking spot (close to the entrance, next to the cart return) - score!

He doesn't so much enjoy being strapped into the cart anymore, and I usually let him sit in the big part now which is like the coolest thing ever to do when you are 18-months-old. However, I had mass shopping to do today, so there was no way I could fit a toddler and all of my groceries into the main part. So, strapped in he was. And very unhappy about it.

What started out as a leisurely stroll through the produce department soon turned into a sprint up and down the aisles as he tried unsuccessfully to extract himself from the seat. I had about 25 minutes before we hit meltdown mode, and since we were there so early there weren't any cookies out at the bakery for desperate mommies our dining pleasure. Rats.

Becks loves to put lids on containers these days (so much for real toys!), so I unscrewed the lid to some dry roasted peanuts and he was good for about two aisles. We made it to the baby aisle, and while I picked through wipe coupons, he spotted the sippy cups. Ju? Ju? Ju? Ju? While I tried to explain that there was not actually any juice in those cups, I spotted a talking Elmo phone and gave it to him to play with.

{Sidenote: I am now officially one of those parents that heads immediately to the toy department upon arrival at the store, selects the toy with the most buttons that makes the most noise, and gives it to my child to enjoy until checkout. Ahem.}

The Elmo phone fun lasted through the dairy department and then I chucked it on an endcap, and prayed for forgiveness since I didn't return it to its rightful spot.

The juice conversation began again. I grabbed one of those individual chocolate milks and promised it to him in the car, while trying to cover the word SUCKER that spelled itself out across my forehead.

Once at checkout, I have to leave the cart at the very end to ensure that Becks doesn't pull the gum, candy, and giftcards from the checkout aisle. So I run back and forth from the cart to the conveyor belt, while twenty some odd people are beginning to line up behind me since there is only one cash register open this early in the morning. It's all a little unnerving. At this point, Becks is emptying the contents of my purse and I DON'T REALLY CARE. I just want to get out of the store.

We make it to the car, everything is unloaded and everyone is buckled. And Becks remembers the promised milk. Seriously?! How did he remember that?!

So I search through twelve different bags before said milk is spotted, poke the straw in, and he blissfully drinks away for the duration of the quick ride home.

While I unload, I feed him a breakfast of waffles and yogurt. His latest thing is to dip everything into something, so he dunks the waffles into the blueberry yogurt and the ten minutes of silence while he eats is golden. Of course, I'm only a fourth of the way unloaded by the time he finishes and demands to get out.

His tray is a slick, slimy mess of yogurt and waffle bits. I set the tray amidst the groceries on the counter which then COMPLETELY DUMPS on the floor sending globs of yogurt everywhere.

I may or may not have thrown my hands up, looked skyward, and asked WHY ME?! at this point.

I clean up what I can, while trying to shoo Becks away from the open fridge. He is opening the drawers and walks away holding an orange in either hand.

After a quick bath to rid him of excess blueberry yogurt, he is now soundly sleeping upstairs and I am drinking coffee and wondering why there are two oranges sitting in the middle of the living room floor.

Happy Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ETA @ 6:08pm: I just spilled an entire glass of Barefoot Pinot Grigio into the sink and it landed in a bowl of grease sending white wine and hamburger fat everywhere.

I am going to bed early tonight. Tomorrow is another day, thank Heavens!