Monday, December 17, 2012

Need to know basis.

So, I probably am driving our social worker (who I love) completely bananas.  Because I have a lot of questions that I think of during the day that I need know.  Remember, I have a high need for control, adoption is completely out of my control, and therefore, I rely on every little gem of wisdom that she can tell me as my very minute way to maintain some control over a situation that I really should just let go of.  Plus, despite being annoying, I want to stay in the forefront of her mind as a WAITING FAMILY.  Hey, it’s Abby!  I’ve only emailed you seven times today!  Did you remember that we’re WAITING?  For a BABY?!  Don’t forget about us! 

I’m only kidding about that last part.  A little.

So, here’s what I need to know today…

-  What does the process of choosing adoption look like for a potential birth mother?

-  How long does she spend looking at our profile? {Our profile is a hard-bound Shutterfly book that details our life in pictures and words.}

-  Will I be kept up to date throughout the next year as potential birth mothers consider adoption?

-  Can I have your home phone number so I can call you all hours of the night with my inane question?

Sigh.  Believe me, I’m praying hard for patience.  HARD.  I feel like every minute is the equivalent of daaaaaaays.  I’m trying to stay busy and occupied, which should be easy during the holidays, but babies and pregnancy are EVERYWHERE.  Which remind me that I’m “paper pregnant,” and I’m once again obsessively refreshing my gmail account, waiting for a response email.  I’m telling you, pray for patience for this girl!!!!

* * * * *

In other news, the weekend was so great.  So great.  We were busy and lazy and holiday cheery. 

My sister stopped by with her new puppy, Bogey, and I built a tent in Becks’ bedroom for him and my niece to play in. 

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The kiddos watched Disney’s A Christmas Carol, and I just about died of sweetness.

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The boys had a wrestling match on Sunday morning.  Standard.  

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B and I also went on our annual Christmas date. 

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So, that’s life.  Off to the gym so I can spend some time not tied to my phone. 

Peace, love, and patience.

11 comments:

Nat said...

Praying for patience for you! I cannot imagine how hard it is to wait- I would probably be stalking the social worker too since I'm a control freak.
What a cute little pup- your Xmas decorations look great!

Jason, Betsy, Jackson said...

As a mom that adopted ~ I understand every feeling and question that you have. Thinking of you all every step of the way!
Merry Christmas!
Betsy Junot (I'm a friend of Heather White's)

Jason, Betsy, Jackson said...

As a mom that adopted ~ I understand every feeling and question that you have. Thinking of you all every step of the way!
Merry Christmas!
Betsy Junot (I'm a friend of Heather White's)

Just A Primary Girl with Mrs. H said...

Lots, Love and Luck to you Abby. I don't know the process but I will pray for patience for you girl! I hope it is a quick process and you don't need to refresh that much. I know the wait is agony, but soon enough it will all be worth it!
Hugs!
Alyssa
http://justaprimarygirl.blogspot.com

Jennjilla said...

As an adopted kid, I often wonder how stressful it was for my mom anxiously awaiting a phone call that would change everything. That was back 31 years ago, too! I can't even imagine. Good luck during your journey and make sure to do a "gotcha day" celebration each year - I had one and I thought it was soooooo cool as a kid. :)

Jodi said...

I pray for your patience. I cannot even imagine how exciting, nervous, anxious, thrilled, and on and on you must be!!!

Jodi

Lauren said...

Y'all are precious and any sweet baby would be lucky to be added to your family!

Lori Moldenhauer said...

I've adopted 5 times! I so understand how even a diaper commercial is upsetting. I will pray for you. Email me and we could talk. God's blessings to you this Christmas. Tlplus3@wi.rr.com

Nikki said...

We have adopted twice thus far and are about to begin the process again...the wait is never easy. The wait after you have been matched is even harder! Lots of prayers to you as you wait. My best advice is to prepare as much as you can. Decorate a room and have some things ready as you might not have any notice prior to bringing your little one home!!! Big hugs!!!

heather said...

I so know where you are. We adopted our A, 8 years ago. It was a amazing journey but I remember waiting and waiting for THE CALL. It happened 10 months into the process. I was at school, my husband called and said I think you should come home , Ashley called and ..... I son't remember what else he said but I know I flew home from school and called our worker back and peppered her with questions. It was a crazy, scary, amazing time. I will be praying that your call comes soon.

Carrie D said...

Hi Abby,
I have been following your school blog for some time now, and check in every now and then to this little blog. Thank you for all your inspirational teaching ideas! They have been very handy in surviving last year, and now this year 8 of teaching...even though some days I still feel like I"m in year 1....will it ever get easier?!

But, why I wrote is to hopefully give you a sense of peace and clarity.
My sister gave up her son for adoption. As you can imagine, it was a shocker to our family to find out that she was pregnant when she was a teenager, but as young as she was, she matured very quickly and was able to make some pretty serious and pretty real decisions, most of what have made her the kind, caring young woman she is today. She has a open adoption, with the parameters that she sees her 'son' once or twice a year, and corresponds with his parents through photographs, letters, cards and emails.
Through sharing this with you, I hope I can give you some more information on the profile books portion of the process. My sis gave the gift of adoption almost 10 years ago, back before these fancy shutterfly books existed. Back then, she was given from her social worker and adoption worker about 5 books, 5 couples to look through, based I think on a sort of personality/match/morals questionnaire type of thing (or else how would they narrow it down).
Anyways, she took the books everywhere before making a decision. She read them all the time and shared them with us when she was ready. She asked our opinion about them, wanted us to read them through and tell her what we thought. I remember her reading them in her room, in front of the t.v., taking them to high school, taking them in the car, and up to the cottage. So, to answer your question, she read them A LOT! Not only did she want to make sure she was making the right decision for her baby, but I think that by looking through the books during her day-to-day activities, she was able to in a way picture what the potential family might be doing at that time, or how their lifestyle fit into her's.
She didn't meet her potential family until she had narrowed down the profiles (to 2 families I believe). Once she had narrowed it down, she met again with her social worker and adoption worker and they spoke at length about her narrowed down choices, and worked to answer any remaining questions. It seems like a long process, but really, at the end of it, she knew she had to make a decision, and she wanted to do it before the baby was born so that the parents would have atleast a little time (maybe a week, but I don't remember exactly how long and I don't want to freak you out. It changes for everyone) to get ready for the baby. I think the potential families were aware that their profile books were being read, helping them to be a part of the preparation process and know they they were 'on-call' in a way.
Hmmm what else...I think the process of adoption for a birth mother is a very scary thing. My sister was definitely freaked out at times, and once or twice even second guessed her decision. I think most teen moms would wonder whether they were doing the right thing. In the end, having correspondence with the new parents, and being updated with photos and cards definitely helped her with her soul searching. She is very happy in knowing her son is with a safe, deserving and warm family (who have gone on to adopt a daughter also). I hope this emaily doesn't overwhelm you Abby. That's not my intention in writing such a long response. Hopefully this info gives you a little peace of mind, if not a little glimpse into one girl's experience. Take care, and all the best, Carrie