Monday, August 19, 2013

11 weeks and counting.

Hi.  It's been a long time.  Summer was way busier than I anticipated.  A little too busy.

And, in a fleeting second, it was gone.  Like that.

Suddenly, we're 11 weeks from expanding our family and sharing our lives with another beautiful blessing.  He's established himself in my heart.  Growing in my heart, not my belly, as the cliched adoption quote goes.  It's true, though.

{Becks showing how big his baby brother was compared to an eggplant}

In the beginning, I had a hard time figuring out how I was going to live out the waiting process.  Because there's all those what ifs that could really keep you up at night if that's the kind of game you want to play.  It's not a game, though.  It's a miracle in it's own rite and I needed to wade through the waiting waters in my own way and on my own time.

When we were first matched, I can only describe it as looking into a photograph and seeing that blurred "bokeh" effect.  Nothing was in focus.  Was this real?  Was it happening?  It's too good to be true, but I think it's true.  She picked us?  Really???

I kept trying to look, to see what I was supposed to see months into the future.  

And...nothing.  

I couldn't see anything but fuzz.  

Then we met her.  The lovely and wonderful and selfless woman who was making the most admirable and loving decision she could make for her child.  That's when things started to take shape.  

Less fuzz.  Less bokeh. 

For a long time, I pretended that I didn't really want to buy a pair of footed jammies.  Or pick out crib bedding.  Or find the perfect name.  Because, what if?

I finally had this moment of clarity where I decided that I needed to live out this waiting period for me.  The way I wanted to live it out despite the what-ifs.  



So, as the weeks have progressed into months, I've embraced my pseudo-pregnancy with fervor.  Nesting and all.  The picture is really starting to take shape.  There's nursery furniture.  A crib.  Ordered bedding.  Onesies and bottles and bibs. Washed and ready hand-me-down blankets from Becks' infancy.  A bring-me-home outfit.  A first pictures outfit. A stroller.  



 While there are many uncertainties and questions, I don't think I will understand God's picture until the day we meet this baby and share a sacred bond with his mother.  We'll cradle his sweet little head into our arms and admire all of his little perfections for the first time.  

I've never wanted to hold His hand tighter, as he leads me through the next several weeks, and I pray for peace and health and clarity.  For Jesus to be present every step of the way.  

74 days.

20 comments:

Sarah @ Life, Love & Dinner said...

What a precious time for your family! Praying for you as you go through this transition! Becks will be the BEST big brother, too! What a sweetie!

Witty Whit said...

I love this and I love you for sharing this experience with us!!!

Jennjilla said...

praying for y'all! How exciting!

Chandler said...

I wish you all the best with the rest of this journey and with your wonderful new addition to your family!

Sarah said...

I had a little boy named Beckham in my Sunday school class a few weeks ago, and thought of y'all! Praying over this exciting, special time for your family!

amy.lemons said...

Love you, sweet friend!!! Praying often!!!

Michelle Geissler said...

Praying for you in the coming weeks Abby. My husband and I are also adopting an infant domestically. We have been on the waiting list for 7 months so far, and we are just waiting to be matched. We too are trying to pass the time. Funny thing... we bought that exact crib, and just haven't put it together yet. So excited to continue to follow your family's journey. - Michelle

Emily [Louisiana Bride] said...

So exciting, praying for you!

Mrs. Wheeler said...

So excited for you all!!!!!

Megan
Mrs. Wheeler’s First Grade
Mrs. Wheeler TpT

Jodi said...

This post just fills my heart with JOY for you!!!

Abby said...

What an awesome gift from God you are getting. I enjoy reading your updates and I too can't wait to see you new little man. :) www.elsburyclan.blogspot.com

Leisha Chapman said...

I remember those days!!! They were so exciting and so nerve-wracking at the same time!! I'm sure now you are thinking about that phone call saying that she's in labor. I hope everything goes smoothly for you and your family!!

Annie Moffatt said...

Oh I just LOVE your story...your words and your trust in Jesus! I look forward to the day that you post the pictures of your sweet new baby boy! I just had to look up the word abide: to endure without yielding, to bear patiently, to remain stable or fixed. What a sweet testimony!

kathy sullivan said...

Praying for you! I know exactly how you are feeling, we adopted our son who is now 7 1/2....it was a wonderful experience and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It's hard to keep yourself busy & not think of it...trust me, I had all of those "what if's" also, you just have to trust in God's plan. I got so tired of hearing that during our journey, but it really is true. Can't wait to read your blogs when you get him :)

kathy sullivan said...

We adopted our son 7 1/2 years ago, so I know exactly how you are feeling. So many "what ifs" but you have to trust in God's plan. Our experience was wonderful, I hope yours is also. Can't wait to hear/see all about him!

kathy sullivan said...

Praying for you! We adopted our son 7 1/2 years ago so I know exactly how you are feeling. So many "what ifs" but you just have to rely on your faith and trust in God's plan....but it's still not easy. Can't wait to see/hear all about him!

Nelly said...

Ok I follow you religiously and can't help but feel that you have helped me have all of my prayers fall into place as well. With the business of summer I hadn't checked your blog as much and the same day I did my prayers were answers (not in the same way as yours) but in my own way! God bless to you and your own family - You are an inspiration!!! PS What stroller did you get? I am in love!?

Chris said...

Hi Abby, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

Carla said...

Abby-I just emailed you, but it looks like this is a super busy time. I didn't realize you were a reading specialist...that's one thing we have in common. The other biggy is that I too am an adoptive mom. Our daughter, Catherine, will be 11 on 11/11! I hope that the coming weeks go smoothly. It is very stressful, and after a long wait, it just seems to move...so...slowly... You want so badly to put things on fast forward so you can meet your sweet baby. Will pray that all goes well for you and your family, and if the blog hop I emailed about is not good right now, I can check back again. Best wishes!
Carla
Comprehension Connection

Kathleen Coker said...

Abby, still praying for you all as you welcome this baby into your family! Would love to hear from you soon about how everything is going!