Wednesday, March 26, 2014

A New Season.

I know it's been a long while.

And, there's plenty of catching up to do.

But tonight, I sit perplexed by the fact that next week is April.  In my mind, Christmas was just last week.  Right?

I know I'm wrong.  I know the calendar will flip, and March will tiptoe quietly out of 2014, waving goodbye in a swirl of snow and sunshine.  Maybe not snow.  Sunshine would be better.  You just can't trust that Polar Vortex, though.

Something about the changing season makes me a little emotional.  A lot emotional, actually.

Maybe it's those dang pseudo-pregnancy hormones, escaping at last, after festering in the interim of hospital life as I awaited the day I would actually bring my baby home.  There's been plenty of tears, cried in joy and in pain, but the tears I feel tonight don't belong to either of those emotions.

Transition Tears, maybe?  The kind of tears you cry when your life is at the crux of Old Life and New Life.  Bidding farewell to what you've known and what you've become comfortable with, in exchange for something new and undiscovered.  Uncharted territory.

In our case, it's living our life with a medically fragile child.  Tubes and pumps and IVs and doctors appointments.  Leaving the confines of the safe hospital where our people are.  Our People being the medical staff that we've come to know, love, and trust with our daughter over the past five months.

FIVE MONTHS.

Which brings me back to the calendar and seasons changing and my Transitional Tears.

We made the ultimate transition just today - bringing our daughter home.

Tonight, she is asleep in the pack-n-play right next to me.  It will be the first night she's actually slept, peacefully in her home, uninterrupted every four hours by hospital staff checking vitals, refilling her feeds, clearing her pumps.  That's not to say that tonight will be restful.  For any of us.

There's the churn of her feeding pump.  (Doesn't bother her, kind of annoying to me.)  Rainwater flowing on the noisemaker.  (I figure that silence would be too drastic a change from her busy hospital room.)  The beep of her pump at four hour intervals asking for a refill.  (Just like getting up with any other newborn, right?)

I remember those early days with Beckham, waking every three hours to nurse, feeling like morning was days away.  Turning on the TV just to have the company of whatever random salesperson happened to be on an infomercial, pitching something I could own in three easy payments of $39.99.

There were Transitional Tears then, too.  So, I feel a little bit more normal knowing that feeling abnormal is completely normal during a time of transition.

A new season.  A new normal.

Here we go...

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Funny that I just stumbled on your blog tonight. . . I have used many of your TPT products this year (my first year to teach 1st grade). I read your blog earlier, noticing that you had not posted anything in a long time. Then I saw that you just posted. It sounds like you have been going through quite a journey! I will be praying for you and your sweet little girl. I know that the first nights at home can be un-nerving for any new mom (I have 3 girls), but with a medically needy child, I know that you must be a bit fearful. Trust in the LORD and rest peacefully knowing that HE keeps watch over you and your sweet girl:)

Sherry said...

Blessings to you....and this too shall pass.
Remember, God is good.

Karyn said...

Oh what sweet news Abby! So happy for your family that Faith is home now! Blessings to you all!

Amanda said...

Praying for you all that tonight goes smoothly for everyone! Congratulations on her homecoming!

Jennjilla said...

Congrats on your new baby girl, and your New Normal! I can't wait to read the story...I bet it's a good one. :)

pippi said...

Congratulations on this milestone. I am so happy she's home!

Penny said...

Goodness~ you did take a break! From blogging, I mean. So...not only is the new babe a girl, but sick? We have a lot of catching up to do! Can't wait to see pics. So glad she is finally home! Blessings! :)

jenn said...

Welcome to a new season!! You will do great things;) can't wait to hear more

Sarah @ Life, Love & Dinner said...

Prayers for you and your family. Enjoy that sweet girl! She is beautiful and so lucky to have you!

Wallis said...

Your daughter is sooooo beautiful. I have enjoyed seeing her on Instagram over the past few months. Hold tight the memories of these precious days, because the transitions don't get any easier...at least they don't for me. My daughter just turned 13 this year. May God bless you and your family during this transition time and always.

Wallis
Ms. Wilson’s Wolves

Jodi said...

Faith is such an amazing little girl and you are an even more amazing mother!

Stephanie Seigel said...

What a blessing! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. She and your family are covered with prayer, so just enjoy this sweet time with her!

Lili said...

So happy for you to have your baby home. Praying for peace as your family rests tonight. Praying for your life to become all and more than you ever hoped for.

Arodriguez said...

Abby, I know that things are hard and they will be for a while. I too, have a premature baby every day and every year new chllenges will arise. Wishing you the best of luck with your baby girl. It's hard but god gave you this little miracle for a reason!! Believe that when times get rough and tears seem endless.....

Anonymous said...

I was so happy to see that you posted on your blog. I have followed your journey and thank the Lord that you have brought Faith home. She will settle in and you will get in a routine. God was sure thinking when he gave you that precious little gift. He is challenging you and knows you are up for the challenge. Follow His guidance - you did before when you decided to "let it be". And He answered.

tmkteacher said...

What a joy to be home! What a blessing she is.