Big News for Our Family!

Details to come :)

Playing with a deck, half-stacked.

I’m feeling pulled to write again.  It’s cathartic.  Healing.  And, allows me to say what goes through my mind that I’d probably verbalize to a stranger in line at the grocery store, because that’s how I roll, but there’s something even more freeing in documenting it.  

So, let’s talk about it.  Rip the old Band-Aid off.  Get it out in the open. 

B and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year and a half.  Obviously, unsuccessfully.  It’s still just us, and that spirited little guy named Beckham, who we love and adore with all our hearts.  But, MY plan was to add onto our family well before I turned 30.  Which happens in less than a month (gah!).  So, yeah, that’s not happening. 

In the past year and half, it seems that practically everyone I know – who’s wanted to become pregnant – has.  And, literally, everyone I know who had a baby around the same time I had Beckham has added a second or third child to their families.  Dagger. To. My. Heart.

So…

In January, which seems eons ago at this point, I visited my OBGYN who said the standard, Well, just keep on trying.  You have a kid, so we know the parts are there.  Come back in six months.

I might’ve fibbed a little when May rolled around, we still weren’t pregnant, and I told the lady that picked up the phone that Dr. C told us to book an appointment if we’d made it to that iconic year mark.  It wasn’t a year.  That was the fib.  It was only 11 months.  But I couldn’t wait a month longer. 

Dr. C advised an HSG test, which runs dye through the ol’ fallopian tubes and uterus.  Then, they take an x-ray of your insides.  Hmmmmm, you’re playing with a deck half-stacked.  That’s what he said as I lay there feeling all No freaking way.  I cried.  B was there and gave me hand-squeezes and hugs.  {Playing with a deck half-stacked, for those of you unfamiliar with this medical terminology, means blockages.  No explanation.  Just blocked.}

New plan = Clomid.  I’m thrilled for this stride.  My inner dialogue goes something like this, Now we’re going to get pregnant.  Maybe even twins!  This will be easy!  I’ll get pregnant by July, have a baby in April, and have an extended maternity leave before starting the 2013-2014 school year.  Clomid, clomid, clomid!  I LOVE CLOMID.

Four rounds of Comid later, I was over it.  HOLY HOTFLASHES, I HATE CLOMID. You would’ve thought I was fifty and menopausal the way I flung those sheets off and on throughout the night.   More importantly, we still weren’t pregnant.  

New plan = Fertility specialist with an exciting, expensive plan, known to commonfolk as turkey bastin’ or, when I’m trying to sound smart, Intra-uterine Insemination (IUI).  This meant 5 days of a stronger fertility drug, Femara, followed by a shot of Ovidril.  My new inner dialogue goes something like this, THE ANSWER TO OUR PRAYERS.  This will work!  How can it not?!  We are timing everything, taking drugs, and seeing a FERTILITY SPECIALIST.  This is soooooooo going to work!!!!! 

Except it didn’t. 

{B and I at our pre-IUI breakfasts.  Not as lucky as I would’ve liked, but dang those pancakes were good!}

The doctor said it usually takes 3-5 times for success.  A friend tried NINE times with no success.  We tried it twice.  And, both times, I morphed into some combination of a lunatic and a peeonastickaholic.  The hormones were maddening and I’d take anywhere from 3-10 tests each round, despite the fact they were all negative.  I’m telling you, I was Miss Crazy Pants. 

So, last month, we decided we were done.  Done with the drugs.  Done with the planning and scheduling.  Done with the doctor’s appointments.  Done with the negative tests.  Done with the two-week-wait.  DUN-ZO. 

It was all very matter-of-fact.  We quit trying to get pregnant. 

I felt a peace about it all.  Glad to part with all the uncertainty that comes with trying to conceive. 

And, God.  There’s Him.  Who reveals His plan in His time.  And, we’re going to travel that path now. 

I’m going to give up control.  Which is difficult for me.  I like to know what’s going to happen to me, to feel that I had a big part in its making.  But, the bottom line, is that I’ve never had a part in that plan.  I think it’s a good thing, though :)

Undeservedly blessed.

 

I love the holidays.  The rush, the pick-up in everyone’s step.  Like there’s places to be and people to see.  Even on a  Monday night.  Maybe it’s because I love the hustle so much that I impose the excitement on everyone else.  I just imagine everyone to be out Christmas shopping, off to visit with family and friends, or grabbing an Egg Nog Latte from Starbucks.  Not returning from work in rush hour traffic, which is the more logical conclusion on the last Monday in November.

There’s something about that hustle motivates me.  I want to light holiday-scented candles, put up our tree, cut out felt banners that spell Merry Christmas and string them up across a wall.  I want to bake cookies and have friends over and sit by a fire.  I want to write.  An odd feeling after a six month hiatus. 

The hustle makes me want to slow down, too.  To take time and make it stretch over more days than it’s supposed to.  To have extended breaks with nothing scheduled but family time.  To relish in the now and cherish the precious moments I have with my boys.  

Introspectively, the value of the holidays has increased substantially in the past few years for me. There was a time, about two years ago, that I prayed for the peace I feel about life right now.  That this is where I’m supposed to be.  Here, in this moment, loving every second of my life and praising God for it. 

Undeservedly blessed. 

Wordless Wednesday

Knuckleheads 1, 2, & 3.  Respectively.

For Only Pennies...

 

Did I mention I love summer?  I do.

I love it so much that I caved to Becks’ request to have a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast.  I mean, why not? 

And it’s only the 11th.  The 11th!  I still have lots more summer living in me.  Including, but certainly not limited to, vacations.  We leave for Hilton Head, SC on Saturday morning.  I went once before.  I was 17.  We travelled all night and I mostly remember waking up at 2am to my friend’s aunt loudly belting out Carly Simon.  Her aunt was supercool, so I then became smitten with Carly.  Still am.  You walked in to the party, like you were walking onto a yacht…  Note to self: add some Carly to the iPod.  Also, The Hunger Games because I am absolutely making B listen to it while we drive. 

So, Hilton Head.  What to wear, what to wear.  Oh, I know what NOT to wear: anything from Forever21.  That store freaks me out.  I know it’s full of trendy bargains, but I feel like I need a stylist when I walk in there.  I’m not kidding you.  I was obsessed with it during college, and now it’s entirely too overwhelming for me.  Kind of like Abercrombie & Fitch.  Used to drop 120 bucks on a pair of holey jeans from there, and now I can’t get past the cologne stench or blaring music fast enough.  It’s official: I’m old. 

Not too old for Penny’s, though.  As in JCPenny’s.  I feel very mom-ish even calling it Penny’s, but it is what it is.  And, apparently it’s a pretty stylin’ store these days because OMIWORD I was 12 kinds of *in love* with many of their lines today. 

I mean you know I’d rather be running around in leggings or a unitard, but I figure that vacation warrants a change in the norm.

Me, per usual, in leggings.  Looking very, very awkward taking a self portrait.  Dang I need a highlight and cut.

But, onto the steals at Penny’s! 

Jorts and cute yellow top with an even cuter back.

         

This coral and navy stripy top.

Something old, something new…something coral.  Again.

An 80s print with linen shorts.

Maxin’ out in this maxi skirt. 

A little one-shouldered number.

And an itsy bitsy teeny weeny blue polka dot bikini.

I’ll be honest.  I went a little overboard.  I’m not keeping it all.  The one-shouldered dress and the maxi are definitely going back.  I’m just not in love with them.  But I still wanted to show you because wow! Penny’s has got it going on! 

So, happy Monday to you and go get your shop on at a good ol’ fashioned department store :)

High on Summertime

I don’t think I can even express how much I love summer.  Early morning alone time – just me and my coffee.  Well, and Matt Lauer, of course.  I’m usually just finishing my first cup when Becks wakes up.  Same thing everyday – Avengers and a breakfast bar.  By the time he remembers to ask for milk, I’m already in the kitchen working on that second cup of coffee, with the milk at the ready.

Then, we’re free.  The whole day.  We spend our time casually and I love it. 

We’ve spent a lot of time with family.  My mom’s birthday was this past weekend, and having us all together is just so dang fulfilling.

Matt and Chels are due any day with my niece, Sullee Hope.  We’re all so excited to have a baby around again.  Especially a little girl.  I think Becks and Sutton have fulfilled our boy quota indefinitely.  And, don’t let Matt fool you…he’s not really thinking that hard ;)

   

My baby sister starts her MBA program at UK next week.  Good golly, where has the time gone?   

Ahhhhh, summmer.  How I’ve missed you.

I think summer suits all of us.  Quite nicely.

So Ready for Summer!

The theme of the day our life is: AVENGERS…

B and I went and saw The Avengers this past weekend.   Since I rarely stray from anything that doesn’t include romance, comedy, or Ryan Gosling, this was a big deal.  And, it was actually pretty good!  I wish I had date pics to share, but it’s pretty awkward to ask the waiter to maneuver my camera and give him a mini-lesson on shooting in manual.  Boo.  Next time. 

Summer is so close.  I can hardly wait.  We’re already trying to do summery things around these parts.  Like be artsy.  And stay up late(r).  And make popsicles.

 

In case you wondered, Becks informed me that the popsicles freeze like this…

It was an interpretive dance, that included shivering while doing a semi-body roll :)

* * * * * *

I just love the sun streaming in our living room in the morning.  I wish I could just bottle up all the happy.  Or all the laundry monster.  Whatever it is, I want to bottle it up.  Time is so fleeting. 

I have five more days with kids.  With a three-day Memorial Day weekend thrown in the middle. 

Then, it’s back to more artsy, 7am snapping turtle paintings for me.  With lots and lots of coffee.