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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

I love lists!

Things that should be illegal:

1) Pirate Booty. Have you tried this stuff? OMIGOSH IT IS DELICIOUS. And expensive. I bought it for Baby B since I was enticed by its all-natural goodness, and the fact that it can be dissolved and not necessarily chewed. Now, I'm addicted, and did more than help in quickly diminishing the entire bag. Baby B had 15 Pirate Booty corn puffs, mommy had 179. It's all about equality.

2) Men driving around topless in their souped-up cars. Seriously, do they think they look all cool reclining waaaay back in their seats, cigarette hanging nastily out of their mouths, SHIRTLESS? There are so many things wrong with that.

3) Dogs barking just for the sake of barking. If a dog is barking to ward off an intruder or warn of imminent danger, bark away. However, if a dog is barking because it sees another dog, hears an ambulance siren, or breathes air, my blood pressure rises instantaneously and I think that it should be devoid of its vocal cords.

4) Spitting. Gag, retch, blech! I cannot stand spit. We have this soap dispenser at school that has the watery-est soap, and every time I squirt some into my hand it resembles spit and I throw up a little in my mouth. The only time spitting is acceptable is when your mouth if full of Crest or Colgate.

5) Hyper-florescent lighting in dressing rooms. I mean, those things highlight every single bodily flaw you possess. I'm all like, Does my skin seriously look yellow-blue in real life? Is that cellulite spreading to my knees? My gosh, do I need a highlight...

6) Spencer Pratt.

7) Strangers touching babies. This makes me CrAzY. If you want to grind my nerves through a cheese grater, get thisclose to Baby B [practically exchanging air with him] and touch his hands with your undoubtedly germy paws. I'm not that much of a germfreak (Swine Flu, Schwine Flu!), but I just can't guarantee that you washed your hands the last time you went tee tee or petted your flea-infested dog. Just saying.

8) Character clothing. Especially Looney Toons anything.

9) Any Nickelback song that comes on the radio. Seriously, do those guys ever stop? I feel like every station I listen to plays Nickelback like twice an hour. And every song sounds exactly the same. And, hey, I admit to singing along with them for the first hundred times I hear their latest tune, but they are getting a little overplayed.

10) Odd-numbered lists.


Unknown said...

You made my day... I can hear you talk as I read... this makes me smile. And Never forget- Life could be worse, you could be married to Spencer Pratt.

Shubie said...

In honor of my most recent post...I'll go ahead and add a couple to your list...(I was only going to add one, but then it would have made it an odd number and I couldn't bring myself to do it.)

11. Indoor recess should be illegal. As a fellow teacher I'm sure you support the fact that indoor recess in May will be the demise of early childhood teachers.

12. Trips to the BMV. Why can't we just get one license and one set of license plates that never expire? And then never ever go back to this horrid place again?

Mommy Webb said...

Haha. My fav is #6. Spencer drives me crazy! Do you watch The Hills every week? We may have to start having our own little mini after show:).

Anonymous said...

Huge fan of your blog and I too am a HUGE list lover! I post one about once a week simply because I love them. I totally agree with you on #6. I. CAN. NOT. STAND. HIM!

P.S. Baby B is so stinkin cute!

Unknown said...

How about stangers touching your belly when you are pregnant! ARRGH!! My biggest pet peeve!

And Spencer Pratt should stay in Mexico!

Duet Diva said...

Okay so since Rachel mentioned it and I was thinking about it anyways..I have an awesome idea for you two! Send me your email again!

Duet Diva said...

Okay my last attempt at posting didnt work. Shoot me your email to I have an awesome idea!

The Ossege Family said...

Thanks for the wonderfully sweet words in your last blog!

OK! I totally agree with the character clothing! I have made a few teeny, weeny exceptions for the girls in the way of Disney princesses. But beyond that they are UNACCEPTABLE! They look so hillbillish (is that spelled right?) I cringe when my kids asked for such things in the past. Now, they know better, Kimberly will tell you "Fancy Nancy says that is tacky!" (fancy word for hideous!)

Katie said...

I have a friend that used to spit every once in a while...