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Friday, June 26, 2009

T-minus 24 hours...

How to Eat Dinner When You are One

Guestpost by Baby B - an almost 1-year-old

First and foremost is our mantra: throw it on the floor. This will be a recurring theme throughout this whole post.

Let's begin...

First, resist all attempt to be belted you into your highchair. You cannot let the grown-ups know that you actually do want to eat. Defy them and arch your back so that your head is basically touching the heels of your feet. This act will give your parents a huge sense of accomplishment once you're strapped in - and tests their patience. What parent of a one-year-old doesn't need a little more patience testing?

Next comes the bibbing. The act of bibbing has been passed down for ages and serves to protect our clean onesie from smashed bananas, dribbled juice, and grainy applesauce. Once the bib is velcroed in place, do you best to rip that sucker right off of you. Bib shmib, who needs one? After you have said bib in your hand, throw it on the floor. When your mom comes back with the entree du jour, you give her a big grin while peering over the side of your highchair. All will be forgiven because you're so darn cute, and the bib will be replaced. Repeat this step one more time and then give up.

Now that you're one, you probably receive a smattering of all the food groups in neat little piles on your highchair. If this isn't the case, and your get your food in actual dishes, empty their contents immediately onto your tray and then throw all the dishes on the floor. If you get yours in neat little piles, do your best to mix everything together and then run your hands through your hair for good measure. If you smile and/or laugh while doing this, you'll be excused again because you're so darn cute. Trust me, I know.

Let me give you an example: tonight, my mom gave me zucchini & squash rounds (actual, not the mushed up kind) along with some blueberries while she got the rest of my dinner ready.
After giving everything a good once over, I chucked it all on the floor. I threw 22 blueberries in sporadic places throughout the dining room, and kept 7 for squishing purposes. After I squished them to fullest capacity, I then threw those overboard too. I'm thorough like that.

Then mom brought me brown rice and black beans. I will try anything once, and - lucky for her - this stuff wasn't half bad. I let her spoon-feed me three bites and then wouldn't open my mouth unless I was able to hold the spoon myself. I put the end of the spoon in my mouth and let beans and rice fall on the tray. Then I threw the spoon on the floor. Are you seeing how this works?

While mom is picking the spoon up off of the floor, I use that time to remove the bib and throw it on the floor too. I have to be consistent.

Oh, and if you want to really spice of your meal, blow raspberries whilst you have a full mouth of juice or any food of the strained variety. This only adds to the experience, promise.

Once your meal is complete, just grin and babble and laugh off the whole experience. All will be forgiven. Until the next meal at least :)


Duet Diva said...

I have never laughed so hard. Truer words have never been spoken or written!

Nat said...

Happy 1st Birthday Baby B!!! You're lucky you're so cute!!

Sugar and Spice said...

Too cute B! I think you might be a good writer like your mommy! Hope you enjoyed for first birthday!!

Anonymous said...

You. Are. So. Right. On. With. This.

Glad to know I'm not the only one experiencing it. :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY B!!!

Rose Casell said...

Hahahahaha! LOVED this!!!!

Miss Kindergarten said...

Okay I'm re-stalking your blog because i love it so much and this has got to be the absolute cutest post in the world!!!